Monday, September 05, 2005

50 Ways To Freak Out Your Roommate

Hey Guys,

I know I'm kinda plagiarising here, but I thought I would share with you one of my all time favourite lists.

Enjoy..........

50 Ways To Freak Out Your Roommate:

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying,"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like THEY were here again."

5. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach.Then buy him/her some ice cream.

6. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much"Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.

7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.

8. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.

9. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

10. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

11. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.

12. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

13. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

14. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.

15. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

19. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

20. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh,him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."

21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."

22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.

23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

24. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"

25. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."

26. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."

27. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

28. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.

29. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.

30. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

31. Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots of bacon.

32. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

33. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.

34. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day,when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.

35. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

36. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray someinto your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.

37. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.

38. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"

39. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.

40. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull's eye.

41. Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. "When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process for a few weeks.

42. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."

43. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.

44. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

45. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.

46. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."

47. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."

48. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, "What the hell do you think you are? A king?"

49. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say,"I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."

50. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floorand kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Hehe, okay, so I hope that entertained you. For those who have seen the list before, I'm sorry, but please feel free to re-live the memories!!!

Jack Handy Thought For The Day: To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

23 Comments:

At Tuesday, September 06, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anika, those were so funny. I love that one about sharpening knives and muttering 'soon, soon...'

Take care!

Yoomi

 
At Tuesday, September 06, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Hehe, I'm glad I amused you Yoomi!!!

Hey, remember that coffee forward I sent you years ago?? I must try and find that one too!!!

Hehe.

Have a nice day!!

 
At Tuesday, September 06, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I still might have it. I usually save the jokes emails that I get, especially when they're highly relevant :D

Yoomi

P.S. Have a fantastic day!

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Blogger Vidya said...

I love that forward! Now, everytime I feel like reading it, I'll just have to come back to your site:D:D:D

I love number 23!

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Hehe, number 23 is an ode to Vidya.........

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Number 34 made me giggle so much that the tea I was drinking started coming up my nasal passage...the pain and the laughing was an interesting mix!

Mellie

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Hehe, it seems that a lot can be told about our personalities from our line of choice.

Yoomi it seems wishes to stab someone.

Vids would like an even larger pen collection (she also harbours a secret dislike for pencils).

Mellie would someday like to fly in the air like good old superman.

And me...........well, my fave is number 31. Does that mean I like pigs??

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, it just means you have a major craving for bacon at the momment!


Mellie

 
At Wednesday, September 07, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Oh yes Mellie, that's why they have three different names!!!

 
At Thursday, September 08, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear...does my like of the 'soon, soon' one reveal my real intentions???:P I better keep my mouth shut in future. Anika, out of curiosity, did you just copy those from an email or did you slowly and quietly type it up?

Yoomi

 
At Thursday, September 08, 2005, Blogger Vidya said...

anika... I never knew you would read into our choices like that!!! I might have to change my choice now! Hmmm... I now pick... number 27 - because I think it best highlights my many medical problems.

I also pick 44 because it clearly highlights my indian heritage...

(I choose not to copy and paste the actual point - because I want to make life harder for you guys by making you find the what I am talking about)

*mutters "soon... soon*

 
At Thursday, September 08, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Yoomi, I do have better things to do than copy out cool jokes, (though I really wish I got the chance to re-type them so I could commit them to memory even faster).

Indian heritage indeed Vids!!! What ever happened to Stampy?? How are your fainting spells coming along??

 
At Friday, September 09, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Commit them to memory? Hmmm, that's perhaps worrying!

Yoomi

 
At Saturday, September 10, 2005, Blogger Vidya said...

Stampy isdancing around a tree in Switzerland:P

You mean you haven't commited them to memory allready?? SHAME ON YOU!

 
At Sunday, September 11, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

I've almost committed them all to memory.............

Vidya, is Stampy dancing with Rids by any chance??

 
At Monday, September 12, 2005, Blogger Vidya said...

Ofcourse... I wouldn't let Stampy dance by himself!

 
At Tuesday, September 13, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Yet, you'd let Rids dance with an elephant?!?

Hehe!!!

 
At Tuesday, September 13, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A philosophical question perhaps only answered by Yoomi...

who is worse off...the elephant or Rids?

Sure Rids might get squashed but if he is squashed, the elephant will then have to spend all day trying to get Rids off his feet - a VERY hard task for an elephant!

If he isn't squashed then the poor elephant will have to listen to Rids talking about computers all day!!! So really, I sympathise with the elephant!

hehe

This is Doctor Immunology signing off.

 
At Tuesday, September 13, 2005, Blogger Anika From Darwin said...

Hehe, Mel, you better run and hide, coz I'm sure Rids knows where you live..........

 
At Tuesday, September 13, 2005, Blogger Vidya said...

Where are we heading with this???? :P

 
At Tuesday, September 13, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hell knows dear Vidya??? Dancing and Elephants and people we know...there is a connection but somehow I just don't get it :P Hey Dr. Immunology, I think I'll sit and pen a philosophical discourse on this :P

Yoomi

 
At Saturday, October 08, 2005, Blogger Marc said...

Hilarious!!!!

 
At Saturday, November 05, 2005, Anonymous courtney said...

I was laughing to tears with this post. Thank you thank you thank you for getting me to Smile on the crummiest of days. And I wish I'd had this manual in college...

 

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